Overcoming loneliness: here’s how to strengthen your connections and grow your circle
Although this blog is written from a male perspective, the principles of building and maintaining friendships apply to everyone, regardless of gender, background, culture or characteristics.
Feel like your social life at uni isn’t quite living up to your expectations? Research suggests that you’re not alone. A quarter of students report feeling persistently lonely at university, with social isolation particularly affecting male students.
Whether you want to form new friendships or are just looking to strengthen the ones you already have, read on to learn my top tips.
Strengthening friendships
· The more time you spend with your friends, the closer you’ll become. Texts and calls can be useful for staying in touch, though studies show that men need consistent face-to-face contact to maintain interest in their friendships.
· Make consistent plans with your friends, as men bond best over shared activities. Getting a coffee, having a kickabout around Woodhouse Moor and sharing music with each other are just some ideas for fun activities that’ll help you connect on a deeper level with your mates.
· Male friendships thrive in group settings, so make an effort to introduce your mates to each other. It’s likely that they’ll get along if they already share you as a common friend. This can be the first step to building a wider friendship group that will lead to you meeting more people.
· When issues in our friendships arise (as they inevitably do in all relationships), we should address them through open and non-confrontational communication. It’s common for men to brush these sorts of problems under the rug, though this only causes resentment to build over time. We might feel awkward when calling out our friends’ behaviour, but establishing boundaries is key to making friendships last.
· Showing our emotional vulnerability is what separates our deeper, more meaningful friendships from surface-level connections. Opening up can feel emasculating or embarrassing, though having honest conversations about how you’re feeling can massively strengthen your friendships and improve your mental health.
It’s a greater display of strength to defy gender stereotypes by talking about your feelings than trying to handle them alone. When you speak about your problems with your friends, it also opens the door for them to talk too.
Finding new friends
If you’re worried that you haven’t found your people yet, know that it’s never too late to change things around. Meeting new people can be daunting, but you must put yourself out there if you want to find new friends. Remember — you miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take!
If you want to expand your circle, why not try new things, say yes to social opportunities that come your way and introduce yourself to new faces?
There are plenty of opportunities to find people with common interests at Leeds.
· Join a society, a sports team or a band to connect with others through common interest and a sense of shared belonging.
· Sign up for the Buddy Scheme, visit the Global Café and keep your eye out for LUU’s speed-friending events to find your people.
· Speak to your coursemates. You’ll likely be spending lots of time together and will have a shared an interest in the subject you’re studying. Suggest starting a study group or group chat to get the ball rolling.
It’s also important to keep an open mind to making friends with people from all walks of life, not just those you share things in common with. We often have the most to learn from people with very different experiences from our own.
Be kind to yourself
Everyone’s social experiences of university are different, so don’t compare yourself to others or place unrealistic expectations on yourself. Focus on building mutually supportive friendships rather than making as many connections as you possibly can, and remember to be grateful for the friends you make along the way.
Loneliness can have a huge impact on your mental health. So, if you’re feeling isolated, consider exploring support options at the university.
If you’re struggling and don’t know where to start, get in touch with the Student Information Service. No matter how big or small, the SIS can answer your questions and connect you to the right people.
Written by Tom, Student Communications Intern and third year student.
