If home isn’t where the heart is

For a lot of people, university is the place where you can finally be yourself. You might have found yourself stepping into a new life or embracing who you’ve always been. Whilst home might be safe for some people, it might not be for you (and that’s okay).

If this is you, you might be feeling a bit stressed or worried about temporarily stepping back into an identity that isn’t right for you. We’ve gathered some tips to help get you through the holidays.

1. Find your support group

If things are getting tough at home, it’s good to find people you can lean on and chat with. Whether it’s online or in person, finding a supportive group to connect with over the holidays can help you feel less alone.

Your support group might be your uni friends, people you know from home, or friends in online groups or communities like Discord. You might want to find a support group for people that might share your experiences, or like your hobbies and interests. You can also find support for your mental health and wellbeing.

If you’d like to find a support group, here are some places you can start looking:

The Proud Trust: Use their group finder tool to find support networks for LGBTQ+ people, including specific groups for trans people and queer and trans people of colour.

Bayo: If you’re from a Black, Asian or Minority Ethnic community, there may be groups in your area offering mental health and LGBTQ+ support.

Befriending network: A local person in your area to say hello to and find social support. A befriender is here to do things you enjoy together.

Shout: For anyone in the UK, a free and confidential 24/7 text messaging support service.

2. Find little ways to feel like yourself

Finding safe ways to feel like yourself is important. Think about the routines that keep you afloat, the outfits that make you feel like yourself, or the music that means the most to you. Even the smallest things, like cooking a meal, painting your nails, or going for a walk (or stomp) with a podcast can help you feel connected. You could also keep a little momento in your pocket to remind you of who you are and to keep you grounded if things get tough.

If you can’t do these activities safely at home, keep a list of the parts of your life you’re missing and book them in once you’re home.

If you’re worried about getting a negative reaction, take some time to make a plan about how you want to respond. Whilst calling people out for crossing a boundary or asking invasive questions can help, those kinds of conversations might be incredibly difficult to have. You might not have the energy to engage every time, and that’s okay. Instead, you could:

• Take deep breaths, count the five senses, or do some guided meditation.
• Take a step away from the situation — going on a walk or listening to music
• Write down what happened and how you feel in a diary
• Tell a friend or support group about it

3. Remember: it’s a pause, not a stop

It can feel hard to take a break from living as yourself, especially during the holidays. However, just remember that it’s only a small pause, not a complete stop.

You won’t be the only person in this position, so please remember there is lots of support available to help get you through. Your life is waiting for you to come back, and you should feel proud for looking after yourself and your wellbeing.